You were doing so well.

You were in therapy. You were journaling. You were practicing boundaries. You felt like you were finally healing.

And then—without warning—you're back in the ashes.

The numbness returns. The old patterns resurface. The progress you thought you made feels like it vanished overnight.

So you think: "I failed. I'm back at square one. I'll never actually heal."

But here's the truth:

You didn't fail. You're not back at square one.

You're in the spiral.

And the spiral isn't failure. It's how healing actually works.

The Lie We've All Been Sold

Most healing frameworks look like this:

Step 1 → Step 2 → Step 3 → Healed ✓

A nice, clean, linear path. Do the work, check the boxes, arrive at "healed."

But that's not how trauma healing works.

Trauma isn't a problem you solve once and never think about again.

Trauma is a pattern your nervous system learned to survive—and unlearning that pattern takes time, repetition, and returning to the same lessons again and again.

Healing isn't linear. It's cyclical.

It's a spiral.

What the Spiral Actually Looks Like

Imagine walking up a spiral staircase.

As you climb, you pass the same view multiple times. Same window. Same perspective. Same landmark outside.

But each time, you're higher up.

Same view, different altitude.

That's healing.

You'll visit the same emotions, the same fears, the same patterns—again and again.

But each time, you're seeing them from a different level of awareness.

Each time, you have more tools.

Each time, you rise faster.

The Four Phases of The Phoenix Path

In Phoenix Rising, we honor the spiral by organizing healing into four phases:

Phase 1: The Ashes (Acknowledgment)

You're numb. Isolated. Exhausted. Barely surviving.

What happens here:

• You acknowledge the pain without shame

• You stop pretending you're fine

• You give yourself permission to not be okay

• You build tiny pockets of safety

The truth: You're not broken. You're surviving. And survival is exhausting.

Phase 2: The Ember (Awareness)

The fog lifts. You're getting language for your experience. Dots are connecting.

What happens here:

• You learn the language of trauma (triggers, flashbacks, fawning, freeze)

• You identify YOUR specific patterns

• You challenge the beliefs trauma taught you

• You grieve what was lost

The truth: You stop blaming yourself and start understanding what actually happened.

Phase 3: The Flame (Reclamation)

You're done just surviving. Now you're rebuilding—on YOUR terms.

What happens here:

• You discover who you are beneath the trauma responses

• You learn to use your voice and set boundaries

• You practice saying no, asking for what you need, taking up space

• You reconnect with desires you buried to stay safe

The truth: You're not just your trauma. There's a whole person underneath the armor.

Phase 4: The Rise (Integration)

You're integrating everything into YOUR life, YOUR way.

What happens here:

• You define what you actually want (maybe for the first time)

• You take brave action toward the life you want

• You hold healing AND living at the same time

• You become the woman who rises again and again

The truth: Rising isn't a one-time event. It's a practice. A choice you make every day.

Here's the Part No One Tells You

You don't graduate from the spiral.

You can be in Flame on Tuesday, slip to Ashes on Wednesday, move to Ember on Thursday, rise back to Flame by Friday.

You'll touch Ashes again. And again. And again.

This isn't failure.

This is how nervous systems heal.

Why You Keep Returning to the Ashes

Your nervous system didn't form in a straight line. It formed in layers, over time, in response to repeated experiences.

Healing works the same way:

• Layer by layer

• Experience by experience

• Spiral by spiral

Each time you return to the Ashes, you're not starting over.

You're visiting the same place from a higher level of awareness.

Think of it like this:

First Time in Ashes:

• You stay for months

• You don't understand what's happening

• You have no tools

• You think this is who you are

Second Time in Ashes:

• You stay for weeks

• You recognize it: "Oh, I'm in the Ashes again"

• You have some tools but forget to use them

• You think you failed

Third Time in Ashes:

• You stay for days

• You recognize it immediately: "I know this place"

• You use your tools consistently

• You remember: This is temporary

Fourth Time in Ashes:

• You stay for hours

• You see it coming before you fully land there

• You know exactly what to do

• You rise faster than ever before

That's not failure. That's mastery.

The Goal Isn't to Never Feel Pain Again

The goal isn't to "graduate" from your trauma and never struggle again.

The goal is to rise faster each time.

The goal is to know the way back to Flame—even when you can't see it yet.

The goal is to trust that the spiral will bring you back up, because it always has.

This is the difference between:

❌ "I'm broken and will never heal"

✅ "I'm in the Ashes right now. I've been here before. I know the way out."

What This Means for You

If you're reading this and thinking, "I thought I was healed, but I'm struggling again"—listen carefully:

You're not broken. You're in the spiral.

And the spiral is proof that you're healing, not proof that you failed.

How to Navigate the Spiral

1. Recognize Where You Are

Name it: "I'm in the Ashes right now."

Naming interrupts the shame spiral. It creates distance between you and the experience.

2. Remember You've Been Here Before

You've been in the Ashes before. And you rose.

You'll rise again.

3. Use Your Tools

You have more tools now than you did last time.

You know how to:

• Regulate your nervous system

• Challenge the trauma beliefs

• Reach out for support

• Practice self-compassion

Use them.

4. Trust the Process

The spiral will bring you back to Flame. It always does.

Your job isn't to force it. Your job is to keep showing up.

5. Track Your Progress

Journal your spiral:

• How long did I stay in Ashes this time vs. last time?

• What helped me rise?

• What patterns am I noticing?

You'll see: You're rising faster each time.

The Phoenix Doesn't Rise Once

Here's the metaphor that changed everything for me:

The phoenix doesn't rise from the ashes once and then never burn again.

She rises. She burns. She rises again.

Again and again and again.

That's not failure. That's her nature.

And it's yours too.

You're not failing because you're struggling again.

You're proving that you know how to rise.

What to Do When You're in the Ashes Again

When you find yourself back in the Ashes, here's what to remember:

You Are Not Starting Over

You're at a higher point on the spiral. You have more awareness, more tools, more evidence that rising is possible.

This Is Temporary

The Ashes are a phase, not a permanent state. You've left before. You'll leave again.

You Know More Now

Last time you were here, you didn't know what was happening. This time, you do.

You're Building the Muscle

Every time you rise from the Ashes, you strengthen your capacity to rise again.

This isn't failure. This is practice.

The Question That Changes Everything

Most people ask: "Why am I back here again?"

Better question: "How much faster did I rise this time?"

That's where you'll find your progress.

Not in never falling. In rising faster each time.

Healing as a Spiral, Not a Destination

Healing isn't something you arrive at and check off your list.

Healing is something you practice.

It's a spiral you move through—again and again—getting stronger, wiser, and faster each time.

The goal isn't perfection. The goal isn't "never struggling again."

The goal is mastery of the spiral.

Knowing where you are. Knowing what to do. Knowing you'll rise.

That's what Phoenix Rising teaches.

Not how to never burn again.

But how to rise—every single time.

You're Not Broken

If you're in the Ashes right now, hear this:

You're not broken.

You're not back at square one.

You're not failing.

You're in the spiral. And the spiral is working exactly as it should.

The phoenix is rising. Again.

Ready to Learn How to Navigate the Spiral?

Download the Free Guide "When You're Too Numb to Cry"